...it's nice to find tangible evidence that you are exactly as you perceive yourself to be. for good or bad, really.
photo-wise, tonight: forgive my lack of content; it was a long fucking day. but hecatomb is being more amorous than usual, the harlot. the wearer of the classy t shirt, me.
i was eating Moroccan food in Seattle 15 years ago this weekend, b'stilla and couscous and too much wine 'cause I wasn't carded, while a belly dancer flipped knives over her torso; the restaurant's not there any more, the guy's not in my life any more, some of the relatives aren't alive any more. it's odd to know EXACTLY WHEN cataclysmic events happen, even as they're happening for the first time. is that why I always choose holidays to make life-changing changes? perhaps. they become easier to remember and the dates are much more poignant.
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I love still being able to relate to that heady idealism, to physically feel it, to be able to pretend that my various dippy crap is a viable concept. I still have fantasies of camping on beaches and frolicking under waterfalls and earnestly winning over the locals in, say, Cappadocia.... as, like, my permanent lifestyle. instead I have a clarified timeline that demonstrates how, fifteen years later, I (still) have my first-world shit together, albeit in a (still) blue-collar way. and I'm still in a town I love and am surprised and impressed by, but also fervently frustrated with and ego-fucked by...
from the atheist brochure:
"man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions."
-Oliver Wendell Holmes
one of the things I like about "Vox" is their discussion of the stereo receiver and its colored bars that glow more fiercely as the room light dims. i also like their description of the reflection of street lights through venetian blinds, any town, anywhere. who hasn't looked at light shining through blinds and imagined themselves a character in their own movie, thinking their exotic thoughts, bodies slashed with shadows?
or not!
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