one of my clients today reminded me so much of someone I recently dated. same ethnicity, same hair, same sad kind eyes. they even spoke the same way, their words swirling like incense smoke. I was reminded that I miss them and of my huge role in fucking it up. it's weird- everything they teach you in school, about transference and weird emotions and letting your mind wander... it totally happens. no matter what we do, I guess: we're humans first, whatever-else second.
this day always makes me homesick as fuck. I remember the lurid blue sky and the decoupage and the phone ringing. I remember the padded edge of the bar at Darwin's and everyone riveted to the television. I remember calling him and crying as I asked him to forgive me. I remember singing "night moves" and smiling drunkenly across the empty dance floor. what did any of it matter? where has it gotten any of us? we all became jaded as fuck that day.
tonight, now, here:
-tombs the troglodyte. note the misshapen right eye. she doesn't care, still, even though her eye will totally fuse shut with cancer-snot. I clean her face a few times a day and I wonder what the fuck I'm doing. I wonder where we'll be in a month, a week, a year. I realize when I'm away from home that I actually sleep quite well. the silence is gorgeous. her ass is warm against my leg as I write this. tonight we're just hanging out, totally familiar with one another.
-the kitchen, part 1.
-the kitchen, part 2.
-facing west.
cheers.
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