fucking grey

today, especially, I hate the climate here. I hate what it does to my optimism, I hate how it makes other people behave, I hate how I have to do vapid things like wear brightly colored socks to feign ebullience. I am an inherently perky lass, god damn it, and I actually started crying for abstract pitiful reasons this afternoon... WHILST WALKING IN THE SHITTY RAIN, sigh, lest there be any confusion about the 1st-term-film-student-worthiness of such self-involved drama. I hate this climate because it makes me feel like a grotesquely turgid 13-year-old all over again, lonesome and misunderstood and apathetic and clausterphobic within my surroundings... I love you, Seattle, but today you can fuck off.

all right.

-sporadic sunlight through cat ears!
-koi and catfish at my parents' lair.
-their newest salt and pepper shakers. this is the stock from which I come.
-this slug's totally basking in the sunset. it needs, like, a light flare behind him and ambrosia's "how much I feel" playing. and another slug dreamily resting its head on his shoulder...
-today, Georgetown: random paper-snowflake chain. thanks, Georgetown.
-today's unretouched sky.
-me and the missus.
-rebar! I hardly knew 'er! okay, that was fucking stupid. I don't even know what that MEANS.
-Airport Way.
-Corson St overpass.

"no lights showed in the houses nearby, and the blackness of the street blended into the inky night. there was no horizon. it reminded me of the story he had told me, about not being able to tell the difference between sand and sky. it sounded almost beautiful to me, to be lost in a moment like that, with no one to tell you which way was up."
-Alix Ohlin, "Forks"