2. life and its trials bear down on us, however, and we need that hope to be periodically restored- something that usually occurs when experiencing the love of our family and friends, or engaging in activities we enjoy.
3. every so often, however, we experience a sudden renewal of hope that is completely unexpected and that is often overpowering and mysterious.
4. that, for the purposes of this book, is the beginning of religion."
-Andrew Greeley
my body caught up to my dissonant mind, and the 48 hrs prior to today were a snively blur of fevers and body cramps and wanting to rip off my skin. I didn't eat at all yesterday. the cats were great- they stayed on either side of me on the bed, politely meowing when I'd accidentally smack them. it was kinda nice, having the heat cranked and the window open just enough to hear the rain and wind yesterday- my lair was a goddamn monochrome, and I was grateful for it. by afternoon my fever broke and the sun came out, shining on everything wet, sinister and beautiful.
it gave me a lot of time to replay the many ways in which I'm fucking unhappy here. in this city I love. in this life I want. in this life I HAVE. what the fuck is wrong with me?
I like to make lists. there's something about seeing my own handwriting detailing my atrocities, and how one column is invariably longer than the other, that is always rather sobering.
so I've been making lists. about stuff. I'm sure that comes as a surprise to no one.
when I have the freedom to do anything, which I do, I end up doing nothing. it's like surveying 15 kinds of ketchup at the grocery store. was it so fucking hard to pick when there were only two to choose from?
-the pissing rain of last week. I hear it was glorious in anchorage. enjoy it for me, please.
-my alley. malley.
-the dramatic fever picture. this ain't "gallery of altruism".
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