bitch magnet weather

-another hair chair. there is a bizarre surplus of animal-skin decor in my life lately... I like it.
-14th Ave.
-the old rainier brewery.
-hat-finishing elation, hereafter known as HFE.
-Georgetown.

"his wife and baby were guileless redheads, plump and freckled; they seemed afraid of me, unwilling to let my daughter baby-sit, although she offered to do so for free. she loved babies; it was what made me worry for her. who knew what awaited a girl who loved babies?"
-antonya nelson, "female trouble"

failing the time-to-die litmus test

for the record, I am REALLY FUCKING TIRED of obsessing about my silly cat and her faltering health. I honestly wish she'd stop eating, stop purring, stop interacting, shit outside the box, keel over... because then I could justify the inevitable outcome. but apart from a grotesque stridor and snot-ropes that connect her to whatever surface she's on (usually my bed, which is awesome) and being wraithlike and usually having her right eye adhered shut and seeming restless and painful and stinking of necrosis... she's fine. fucking unfazed. this is one of the coolest things about her, but it's making the necessary decisions very difficult for me.
rereading that paragraph, perhaps I have made my decision already.
*
anyway, the tombs: witness to my adulthood and every-other-sordid-thing-else. this is just gonna fucking suck.

-this morning.
-gotta throw another brutal warning sign in there. I am sure there was much giggly "oh that's just TERRIBLE!" banter in the boardroom when this logo was created.
-hecatomb.

the past 26 hours

"god only knows" came up on shuffle as I was walking home from the bus stop tonight. there are still huge piles of leaves along the street. I sang along and kicked through. it would be a proper shame to not do either.

-63 corvair, Ballard. this one's for you, m'lady.
-NW 49th... the Mars Hill Church street.
-a car on Broadway. crappy photo, but it made me laugh. I like poking dead things too! also, the color orange and the smell of grilled onions.
-through the window of the defunct liquor store on Broadway. it's cropped all to hell, obviously. I loved the slanty sunshine through the horrid vertical blinds... this is not meant to be a refined image.
-the generic autumnal loveliness shot, Republican or Mercer or something.
-and this one is for YOU, good sir.
-line D. he got off in Interbay.
-carnivorous plants with sensual borders!
-every time I see this sign it makes me happy. that is all.
-too twee and cliched to pass up. this actually made me rather angry. I wanted to engage in hostile nihilistic behavior for no specific reason.
-the sociological succor of 3rd and Pike.
-it's a Parkay toilet!
-cool drainpipe.
-do make say radiators.
-self-portrait with cat tail.
-anvil cloud, last night. it was the only cloud in the entire sky.

I also heard James Brown's "The Payback" at two separate, unrelated locations today.

moving objects

Tuesday night, election night, was the first time I slept uninterrupted in months, perhaps years. last night resumed the fucked normal; I was awake from 2-630am, unable both physically and mentally to do anything productive. I did dishes, I watched too many cooking show YouTube things on my 3" screen, I lurked in my dark apartment like a fucking troll and watched my oblivious neighbor pace in front of his well-lit window like Norman Bates. eventually the sky started to lighten. I didn't realize I'd finally fallen asleep until I woke up two hours later.
this can't be good. it's EVERY NIGHT. every night of every day.

I sent away for my ordained ministry today! does that make me a ministrix? everyone should have the right to experience a horrible divorce.

24hrs of insomnia = mundane photography.
-entropy.
-she humors me.
-pry tone. typer: on. trè pony!
-Howell St. this may be my first attempt at the HolgaArt filter. normally I skip right over it.
-the northwest wing of the domicile houses the food preparation and butler facilities.

"but she might run into somebody there and she didn't want to have to act normal or explain why she wasn't. there was nobody in the world she could explain it to, because there was no real reason for any of it."
-Jean Thompson

the euphoria version

I am not going to dwell on my cat's aesthetically discouraging, slow-growing nasal mass (was a less-sexy phrase ever written?), which is really the only crappy blip on the current horizon... I vented on the Facebook, and that is silly and vulnerable enough for one night.
today could have felt so much differently. I didn't realize how desperately I wanted things to work out until, holy fuck, they DID. I'm no longer a flaky daft idealist! I'm the MAJORITY.
this is an especially exhilarating place to be. Washington state has always been my home; I was born here, several generations on both sides of my family live here; it was always the default when I'd fantasize about my rad-ass adulthood from my incensey, postered bedroom in Anchorage, Alaska. Alaska made me, but Washington justifies me... does that make sense?
so I am perhaps extra, possessively proud about how the elections turned out. I am startled-happy, which is a fucking amazing and too-rarely-felt emotion. I am STUNNED that we are all on the same page. this election meant a lot to me, hence my insufferable posts and earnest shrillness... I was even more excitable than usual. for everyone who tolerated me, thank you. thank you very much. so to be in Washington, where civil rights are being decided by the PEOPLE and not a handful in the government, and hundreds of thousands of us want the same things? fucking goose bumps! in 20 years, if not 5, people are going to be bewildered and appalled that the issues we voted on were even in question. they will find yesterday's election as absurd as we now find the civil rights issues of the 60s. I feel very proud to be HERE and NOW for something that will knowingly matter as it is happening. I am proud to live in Washington, and I am very proud for all the incredible people I know in Alaska who are still fighting for the same things.
fuck, I'm treacly. it's been a day. it's been a good day. people are smiling a lot here. the weather was comically lovely. today was a definitive capital-letters YES, period. YES.

-eat local, broadway.
-not related to my pontificating, but it looks cool.
-10th and Pike, 11/6/12.
-broadway, 11/7/12.

"for many minutes, for many hours, for a bleak eternity, he lay awake, shivering, reduced to primitive terror, comprehending that he had won freedom, and wondering what he could do with anything so unknown and so embarrassing as freedom."
-Sinclair Lewis

don't shit where you eat, my friend.

in one of last night's dreams, I was inexplicably at the bottom of the ocean, breathing just fine despite not having any accoutrements; the resistance from the deep water was the only inconvenience. a shark was gliding along the bottom. it looked at me disgustedly, like "what the fuck's SHE doing in the damn deep water" but otherwise ignored me. a dolphin came up. it was chirping cliched cheerful dolphin things (so easy to anthromorphasize dolphins) and sidling up beside me. then it saw the shark, and the shark saw it. the dolphin started to swim nearly vertically toward the surface; the shark was darting behind it; I watched stupidly from the mushy, lifeless bottom. I could barely see light filtering down. occasional bubbles and sediment would filter through; otherwise it was silent and soft and weightless and dark. and then the water above me, far above me, turned red, and more bubbles came down, and the pressure undulated against me. I woke up. cat sandwich. sweating. 250am. there are still a few leaves on the tree outside my window, shadowing through the street light onto my wall. it was one of those dreams where I think "what the FUCK. where did THAT brain-rape manifest from?" quiet apartment, quiet sleeping seattle, just a little breeze. poor dolphin. the weirdest part, the emotion I retain: I'm an intruder, a bumbling idiot in a strange land by mere virtue of MYSELF- and I am thereby ineffectual. I can feel sad piteous kindly things, but what does it matter? what does it solve? aren't I just, like, in the way?

stupid human.

I finally made soup that didn't suck! the trick: don't dump everything in your cupboard into a pot and douse it with curry powder (my usual method). you will end up with indelible yellow spackle and it will make you feel sad.

*moderately-successful "ain't gonna stress 'bout the morrow" soup:*

-2 potatoes from my parents' yard (danke!)
-some carrot pieces
-a shit-ton of dried oregano and dried basil
-less-than-a-shit-ton of celery salt, paprika, dill, and I think that's it.
-a few of these weird slimy "broth flavoring packets" from Safeway, vegetarian, commingled with the appropriate equivalent of tap water.
-about 1/3 box of awesome, nasty-ass minute rice. YEAH.
cook, simmer, whatever, until nothing is inappropriately crunchy.
THEN: add bacon bits. Bac-Os are vegetarian and actually taste better/more bacony than their authentic brethren. the Bac-Os MAKE this better than it otherwise is.
and you have a pot of nurturing po'folk victuals! cockles: warmed!

-is that a euphemism?
-there should be a term for "absurd white-girl Afro." Afronkey? too much?
-Ballard.
-Fremont Ave.
-15th NE.
-Ballard.
-tombs the sexy ladycat. the mass is bigger. I guess cancer does that, huh.
-U District.
-Ballard.
-fruit punch and a bendy straw. take me seriously!

and vote! thank you!

I am the other half

-lychee eyeball alcoholic-something. it wasn't my drink.
-entropy photobomb.
-unretouched autumnal orgasm, ship canal.
-a frenchie tongue.
-fiberoptic! the best way to experience religion!
-Jesus Christ!
-superstar.
-dolled up for all saints.

no sordid tawdry details! that's all you get! happy days, y'all.