moving objects

Tuesday night, election night, was the first time I slept uninterrupted in months, perhaps years. last night resumed the fucked normal; I was awake from 2-630am, unable both physically and mentally to do anything productive. I did dishes, I watched too many cooking show YouTube things on my 3" screen, I lurked in my dark apartment like a fucking troll and watched my oblivious neighbor pace in front of his well-lit window like Norman Bates. eventually the sky started to lighten. I didn't realize I'd finally fallen asleep until I woke up two hours later.
this can't be good. it's EVERY NIGHT. every night of every day.

I sent away for my ordained ministry today! does that make me a ministrix? everyone should have the right to experience a horrible divorce.

24hrs of insomnia = mundane photography.
-entropy.
-she humors me.
-pry tone. typer: on. trè pony!
-Howell St. this may be my first attempt at the HolgaArt filter. normally I skip right over it.
-the northwest wing of the domicile houses the food preparation and butler facilities.

"but she might run into somebody there and she didn't want to have to act normal or explain why she wasn't. there was nobody in the world she could explain it to, because there was no real reason for any of it."
-Jean Thompson

the euphoria version

I am not going to dwell on my cat's aesthetically discouraging, slow-growing nasal mass (was a less-sexy phrase ever written?), which is really the only crappy blip on the current horizon... I vented on the Facebook, and that is silly and vulnerable enough for one night.
today could have felt so much differently. I didn't realize how desperately I wanted things to work out until, holy fuck, they DID. I'm no longer a flaky daft idealist! I'm the MAJORITY.
this is an especially exhilarating place to be. Washington state has always been my home; I was born here, several generations on both sides of my family live here; it was always the default when I'd fantasize about my rad-ass adulthood from my incensey, postered bedroom in Anchorage, Alaska. Alaska made me, but Washington justifies me... does that make sense?
so I am perhaps extra, possessively proud about how the elections turned out. I am startled-happy, which is a fucking amazing and too-rarely-felt emotion. I am STUNNED that we are all on the same page. this election meant a lot to me, hence my insufferable posts and earnest shrillness... I was even more excitable than usual. for everyone who tolerated me, thank you. thank you very much. so to be in Washington, where civil rights are being decided by the PEOPLE and not a handful in the government, and hundreds of thousands of us want the same things? fucking goose bumps! in 20 years, if not 5, people are going to be bewildered and appalled that the issues we voted on were even in question. they will find yesterday's election as absurd as we now find the civil rights issues of the 60s. I feel very proud to be HERE and NOW for something that will knowingly matter as it is happening. I am proud to live in Washington, and I am very proud for all the incredible people I know in Alaska who are still fighting for the same things.
fuck, I'm treacly. it's been a day. it's been a good day. people are smiling a lot here. the weather was comically lovely. today was a definitive capital-letters YES, period. YES.

-eat local, broadway.
-not related to my pontificating, but it looks cool.
-10th and Pike, 11/6/12.
-broadway, 11/7/12.

"for many minutes, for many hours, for a bleak eternity, he lay awake, shivering, reduced to primitive terror, comprehending that he had won freedom, and wondering what he could do with anything so unknown and so embarrassing as freedom."
-Sinclair Lewis

don't shit where you eat, my friend.

in one of last night's dreams, I was inexplicably at the bottom of the ocean, breathing just fine despite not having any accoutrements; the resistance from the deep water was the only inconvenience. a shark was gliding along the bottom. it looked at me disgustedly, like "what the fuck's SHE doing in the damn deep water" but otherwise ignored me. a dolphin came up. it was chirping cliched cheerful dolphin things (so easy to anthromorphasize dolphins) and sidling up beside me. then it saw the shark, and the shark saw it. the dolphin started to swim nearly vertically toward the surface; the shark was darting behind it; I watched stupidly from the mushy, lifeless bottom. I could barely see light filtering down. occasional bubbles and sediment would filter through; otherwise it was silent and soft and weightless and dark. and then the water above me, far above me, turned red, and more bubbles came down, and the pressure undulated against me. I woke up. cat sandwich. sweating. 250am. there are still a few leaves on the tree outside my window, shadowing through the street light onto my wall. it was one of those dreams where I think "what the FUCK. where did THAT brain-rape manifest from?" quiet apartment, quiet sleeping seattle, just a little breeze. poor dolphin. the weirdest part, the emotion I retain: I'm an intruder, a bumbling idiot in a strange land by mere virtue of MYSELF- and I am thereby ineffectual. I can feel sad piteous kindly things, but what does it matter? what does it solve? aren't I just, like, in the way?

stupid human.

I finally made soup that didn't suck! the trick: don't dump everything in your cupboard into a pot and douse it with curry powder (my usual method). you will end up with indelible yellow spackle and it will make you feel sad.

*moderately-successful "ain't gonna stress 'bout the morrow" soup:*

-2 potatoes from my parents' yard (danke!)
-some carrot pieces
-a shit-ton of dried oregano and dried basil
-less-than-a-shit-ton of celery salt, paprika, dill, and I think that's it.
-a few of these weird slimy "broth flavoring packets" from Safeway, vegetarian, commingled with the appropriate equivalent of tap water.
-about 1/3 box of awesome, nasty-ass minute rice. YEAH.
cook, simmer, whatever, until nothing is inappropriately crunchy.
THEN: add bacon bits. Bac-Os are vegetarian and actually taste better/more bacony than their authentic brethren. the Bac-Os MAKE this better than it otherwise is.
and you have a pot of nurturing po'folk victuals! cockles: warmed!

-is that a euphemism?
-there should be a term for "absurd white-girl Afro." Afronkey? too much?
-Ballard.
-Fremont Ave.
-15th NE.
-Ballard.
-tombs the sexy ladycat. the mass is bigger. I guess cancer does that, huh.
-U District.
-Ballard.
-fruit punch and a bendy straw. take me seriously!

and vote! thank you!

I am the other half

-lychee eyeball alcoholic-something. it wasn't my drink.
-entropy photobomb.
-unretouched autumnal orgasm, ship canal.
-a frenchie tongue.
-fiberoptic! the best way to experience religion!
-Jesus Christ!
-superstar.
-dolled up for all saints.

no sordid tawdry details! that's all you get! happy days, y'all.

wa-a-a-a-ave......... ting!

-weather, university bridge.
-corpse, 11th and John.
-outside Pike St Fish Fry. he did not appear well. he never moved, just looked at me with paranoid yet resigned eyes. "good luck, little dude" I told him.
-refiltered toilet/skyline, the Oddfellows building. everything about this bathroom is great! it's always 10 degrees warmer than the rest of the building, it smells like old wood and lead paint, there's a huge ledge on which to leave your bags, and you can gaze deliriously at the downtown skyline and neighboring Capitol Hill rooftops whilst micturating! you must wait for the handicapped stall, for it is the one with these specific amenities.
-double/triple (trouble?) rainbow, Monday, Cap Hill.
-go away. John St.
-the crowd at Presse, watching the 3rd presidential debate.

just found my copy of Bacchae, by Euripides. at the bottom of one of the pages I'd written "Dionysus= smartass hippie." good lord, woman.

boogie on, reggae woman!

today was symbiotic. it's very nice to have Sundays off again. the city is saturated in lackadaisical good will. my own mood may have had something to do with it.

-mini kiwis! smooth-skinned, kumquat-sized; eat them whole (remove the stem) and experience the compact kiwi explosion! the lady running the booth said she was planning to make them into salsa later, but they'd also be good for chutneys, in salads, in a rich kid's lunchbox... seriously, they were surprisingly delicious and only available for the next few weeks. if you have the means to justify $5/pint, they're guaranteed mate-bait.
-Campus Parkway, when the hail started.
-I saw the can squashed in the tree and thought "ha ha, how cliched would it be if it was, like, pabst?" sigh.
-if you carrot all.
-Fremontish.
-at the Fremont Sunday Market.
-along Ship Canal.
-creepy self-portrait with rainbow, U District. I was totally fucking drenched. it was awesome until it got cold.
-Facing west, 17th and Madison.
-Fremont. Izzat awesome or wut?

I bought a $12 100% polyester vintage maxi-dress today. that's the kind of day today was. it was just free and flowing and awesome. today was a rad polyester dress.

is this my beautiful life?

you ever think of a sound that describes your mood at a precise moment? right now my mood is that part in "Venus in Furs" when the violin squeaks dissonantly after one of the final "whiplash girlchild in the dark"s. you know that note? it's a good one.

-David Lynchian Chinese restaurant, last night. for a while we were the only customers. we talked with the waiter about transgenderism. the salt n pepper tofu? fucking delicious.
I love finding secret portals of awesomeness.
-still life with wine glass.
-6th Ave, looking west.
-you know the honey badger video? of course you do. Entropy sat in this exact position for about three minutes before I was unnerved enough to take this picture. and after I took it I said "hey stupid!" to her. "hey stupid! thanks for the mouse." she blinked her left eye and appeared to not get it.
-the ave.
-Fremont, outside the PCC. sweet sweet shitbarf, how you've gentled.

before work today I found a book at the cap hill library, "Bungalow Bathrooms." brilliant, art deco bathrooms! baroque tiling! glossy marble sinks! various types of toilets! it's amazing! and one home that they had repeated pictures of: the Stimson-Green mansion on Minor Ave in First Hill. what sort of exotic antics will I be engaging in come the morrow, my first day off in six? I will be wandering by the Stimson-Green mansion with a lusty, hungry eye, that's what.
books like that make me appreciate my own very old lair anew.

I had a dream last night that one of my teeth was transparently thin. I thought "how did I not notice this sooner?" then it fell out. it was almost like a bridge. clean, bloodless, the gap almost invisible when I frantically leered into the mirror to assess my abrupt ugliness. the toothless space of my gums felt soft and familiar, but without that salty irresistibility of when you lose a tooth as a kid. it was rather anticlimactic. I woke up and promptly made sure all my teeth were still there.

dream analysis says that tooth/mouth dreams mean that you don't feel like you're being heard or comprehended accurately. but i was mainly relieved that I didn't have to stumble through my reality feeling gap-toothed and self-conscious.

vile, unintentional moral of the story, that my alert and sentient self completely disagrees with: i would rather be attractive than understood.

cheers.